Birthday Restlessness

Restlessness

That is what I feel every year when the phone blinks and the clock chimes

At midnight.

As the summer air ruffles my hair

And the tidal waves of emotion run warm and rampant

I thank God for blessing me with another year

Of coffee stains, blotchy faces, and sparkling, late-night madness

The day ahead

is like any other day

full of mystery and promise

but also disappointment and anguish

Not knowing every detail (mostly) does not bother me

But on the day of my birth, it is all I can think about

And this is when I ignore what’s inside

And try not to feel

So that way, at least for one day, I can color inside the lines

Yet somehow, I have never gotten this art form down

Because like charcoal

I smudge

feel depth here but not there

So how dare I expect myself to be wholesome and all aware?